No dairy and the need for Zen parenting

Today I got quite pushed to my limits with precious 2 year old of ours and decided it was time to pick up “Buddhism for Mothers” (Sarah Napthali) again. Gosh, I wish I could store this book in my head without having to re-read it and re-’zen’ myself. It is a gift to parents and non-parents alike. Although non parents are unlikely to read it, given it’s called “Buddhism for Mothers” I suppose!

After 2 years of wakefulness and eczema, we decided enough was enough and we obviously have not been doing enough to address what is going on with said son. So we have taken him off all dairy, eggs, peanuts (well peanut butter), preservatives, additives and colours. And his sleeping improved straight away might I add (a shocking movement from at least 4 hourly waking forever to an 8 hour stretch in one go!) – but his behaviour has been diabolical. Emotional, irrational meltdowns (and numerous!) followed by, today, a lovely burst of slapping and violence and laugher. He NORMALLY responds when I say “it hurts mum, be gentle”. Or if I ask for space, that’s a winner But not today. “NO BITING” he says as he bites me, and “Space! Hurts mum!” he says as he slaps me in the head again.

Oh, the fury! On the upside (and there is a couple of small ones), I walked out before I did any damage to him . AND on the other upside, we have read about detoxing kids from dairy – and this is all normal normal normal if their bodies have not been coping with it. We are on day 5 and apparently days 4 and 5 are the worst. So lets hope day 6 is better or else he might get fed milk again LOL!

So I come out to the lounge, put some music on and pick up my favourite book of the day.

I find when I parent inattentively I can react to my children in destructive ways. When I look deeply into the moment and see what it asks of me, I can help my children sensitively. In my tradition, Zen, we speak of “Beginners Mind”, where you see each new moment with fresh eyes rather than falling back on the same old reactions. I find this very helpful for parenting: what works today might not work tomorrow, just as our way of dealing with one child might not work dealing with another. So I try to respond to exactly what this new moment presents. Parenthood is nothing if not unpredictable so I need to respond differently to each new situation seeing each instant for what it is” p 21

One of the things I love so much about all this is the concept of mindfulness: that all states of emotion will pass, and we need to be hospitable in acknowledging, even welcoming them, but this need not mean that we react to them or have them alter our behaviour. Today I could have blamed a tiny toddler for making ME furious with his behaviour, but instead, recognizing that “we are in the grip of some transient emotion and we use the grievance to justify it” (p23) is helpful. It is about me owning my emotions. That on this particular day, I feel ………. and I need not use his behaviour to justify it. Certainly not to alter my behaviour.

On seeing our mind state for what it is, we may experience a moment of clarity. Buddhist teaching has been summarised with the phrase “stopping and realising” which, among other things, refers to the ability to be aware of a negative state of mind and to realise on a deep level that a clearer, more constructive mind is available. To understand that the negative mind state can only sabotage your alternative. You “awaken” to what the moment truly requires of you. Delusion turns into clear-sightedness” (p 47)

I have much more practice ahead of me .

More on Aussie food standards

The more I learn, the more the Food Standards Authorities in this country baffle me completely. As a parent of a young child, why are they not looking out for the interests of our children? Parents get a bad wrap (and probably rightly so) for feeding their kids McDonalds etc and cordial and lollies and chips. But let’s be serious…even for those of us who try to eat healthily and MODEL healthy eating, the likelihood is in this country, what we are eating is still not doing us a whole lot of good.

I mentioned a few posts ago about food colours. Let’s now look at sulfites (preservatives). How is it that Australia manages to have an ‘acceptable’ level of sulfites MUCH higher than other countries? Explain it to me, someone, please!

The WHO has some great info on sulfites in relation to people having reactions to it, and the relationship with asthma. Dried fruit is a hugely popular food to give young kids- and on the most part, people think they’re doing a good thing by that. But… an average 10 year old has a daily recommended limit of 15mg sulfites. ONE SINGLE DRIED APRICOT in Australia has 16mg!

Ten or so years ago, an Australian study was done that looked into a 2 year old’s sulfite intake due to this and found that they were, on average, getting 70 times what they should in sulfites.

Due to the major links with respiratory troubles, I’d say this is an issue. So as I say, it baffles me why Australian food standards are not more concerned with child health than orange apricots (because the sulfites keep them orange rather than brown). You can read more here.

Jesus, non-violence and Facebook

“Mahatma Gandhi, said: ”Jesus Christ is the most perfect example of non-violence in history,” and paused before adding, ”And the only people who don’t realise this are Christians.”

After a bizzare experience this week with the *below* issue and an extremely large Facebook group that got infiltrated by aggressors (in a non violent group) I bailed on something I started to find some ***peace*** before the arrival of our baby. Selfish maybe, maybe not. Important though, yes. The whole experience has led to some interesting discussions and thoughts in this house on the nature of violence.

It’s funny how some people become so passionate about their non-violent cause that they use violence to express their passion. It’s also funny how others are so defensive about the said issue that they resort to the same thing. It kind of means whatever the presenting issue is becomes not important anymore – at some point, the masses become the same…pushing and molding and forcing each other into something that was never really the point.

One of my admins for the group nearly had a melt down over the abuse she was copping for “reminding people to be respectful” and left the group, most apologetically, to gain some life perspective back. I respect that – recognise your limitations. I needed to do the same before any melt downs came my way! What interested me was the point she got pushed to before she left. It wasn’t typical of her at all. And it wasn’t “respectful”. It just shows how far it can all unravel no matter what your cause…

Non-violence itself is often mistaken for passivity. This is a misnomer – one must be actively engaged in the struggle against violence and oppression to be non-violent. Non-violent people not only refuse to threaten, hurt or kill those who oppose them, but they actively engage the other’s humanity, seeking their opponent’s transformation as well as their own and those they defend. This is what the church was intended to be – a non-violent army transforming the world not with a gun, but with active love.

I’m loving this article in the AGE today…and the above quote is one of the best things I have read in a long time. I don’t engage much with mainstream Christianity these days but for once someone is saying something that is sensible *wink* and relates to the week I’ve had! The article relates to the use of scriptural inscriptions on the gun scripts for the army. I’ve been following that story with some *shock and horror*! (Add in a little humour there if the army didn’t honestly know that they were carrying around Bible references with them).

Non-violent people not only refuse to threaten, hurt or kill those who oppose them, but they actively engage the other’s humanity, seeking their opponent’s transformation as well as their own and those they defend

It’s so true. And we get it so wrong. I guess it is our very humanity that gets in the way of our own cause.

Anyway I wonder if the company putting Biblical inscriptions on guns was doing so because they think the FIGHT is on behalf of God (eek) or simply because it may offer some comfort and guidance to those using the guns. I don’t know. But I think if you are using a gun at all, a re-look at Jesus, the non violent revolutionary, would be a helpful place to start.

Men’s fashion?

Some of you may have seen me address this on Facebook…let me say I cannot believe how pissed off I am that some people in a room somewhere decided that t-shirts promoting rape and violence against women are fashionable.

It’s concerned me lately how I can’t look at a newspaper without there being a rape case/report. At least one paper in Australia EVERY DAY has a rape report. Is sexual violence increasing? Or being reported more? And if it’s being reported more HOW is this not making an effect for the better – to put an end to it? HOW can a store like Roger David deny social responsibility and create something so gut wrenchingly horrid? It is abusive even to those who have BEEN abused and have to suffer seeing a man wear such a t-shirt.

HERE IS THE LINK to some more info if you’re wondering what I’m talking about. I copied someone’s response to Roger David and posted it as a comment on their website (which, has the offending t-shirt as their main stage when you go to their site). This is it if you wish to cut and paste also:

I am writing to ask if you are able to justify your decision to sell t-shirts diplaying, in the first case, a picture of a dishevelled, gagged woman, and secondly, two blindfolded, semi-naked women. To anyone who has not yet been completely densensitized by the increasing prevalence of dehumanizing, degrading images of women, these t-shirts are offensive. Worn in a workplace, however casual the dress code, they would constitute sexual harrassment, by creating an environment that is hostile, intimidating (given the violent overtones) and offensive to women. I wonder, then, why you are encouraging boys and young men to create such an environment for the girls and women around them by selling them these t-shirts? I look forward to hearing your response.

In all serious, time is a-ticking. Other t-shirts are out there with slogans such as “It’s not rape of you yell ’surprise” or “Sometimes no means yes”.

If you are reading this post, please complain to Roger David. It cannot be ok by us to add to this violent culture in our society. It cannot be ok for our sons to grow up being encouraged to wear this and it cannot be ok for our daughters to feel unsafe and intimidated.

Signs you’re married to a cyclist

Typically, here are a few signs that you might be married to a cyclist.

1) Its 5am and from the comfort of your bed you’re awakened to the sound of air being pumped into tires. Good Morning!

2) You make a recipe for dinner that apparently “serves 4-6″.  Somehow it barely stretches to 2 portions.

3) Speaking of eating, you find your partner needing food and/or drink every two hours all day long.  Something about replenishing all those calories he’s burning?

4) You go online to do some banking and notice mysterious charges on the account with names like “bikeparts4cheap”….This is cheap?!

5) Your weekend plans revolve around scheduling activities before, after or in between rides.

6) Your spare bedroom looks more like a bike shop than a guest room.

7) Your light switches, cupboard handles, doors, walls etc. are marked by black fingerprints and you don’t have children….       (or dare I say, your child is also covered in black marks from “helping daddy”)

8). Your nephews thinks your husband’s “job” is a “bike racer”. I can’t seem to convince them that he has a real job too.

9) Your partner is so grumpy you’d think there was a serious problem….no, false alarm, he just hasn’t been out for a ride in three days.

On the flip side, I have a happy, healthy husband and all of my “alone” time allows for plenty of my own leisure activities and coffees with friends and family etc., so I don’t complain too much! (again, might I add – not so when you have young kids!)

Got this on an email one day and I can’t get over the truth of it! We need to form a wives-who-survive-their-husbands-cycling group LOL

Aust food standards & colourings

You know how they say “once you know better, you do better” – or, another way to put it is “You can only work with what you know at the time”. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I have read a lot about food additives, preservatives, and colours… and it is NOT good! It’s a certain someone’s 2nd birthday coming up and we wanted to make him an Elmo cake (he loves Elmo) – but there is really no safe way to make RED icing. Hmph!

Australia really has pretty slack standards when it comes to these things so it is up to consumers to work out for themselves what they are buying and what the risks are. Just because a supermarket can sell it does not mean it is ok for you or your children. I’m sure some kids are ok with colours – and many people have said to me “well it’s one day out of the year so who cares?” but truthfully, even if I decided to give our son artificial colours, I couldn’t decide to feed it to other people’s children, which will be happening on Sunday!

At Christmas time Kaden ate some gingerbread house which was decorated with lollies that had artificial colours in it…I have to say, he was completely feral for over 24 hours following. You might be interested to know that the Quinolene Yellow E104 colour  is banned in many countries throughout Europe as well as the US and Japan, but here the ban was lifted in 2003. WHY you may ask? I do!

Brilliant Blue colour 133 is another nasty. You may well find it in your processed peas here too. It has been linked to nasty skin rashes, behavioural changes (hyperactivity) and has been shown to have a cocktail effect when taken with MSG or other colours on the nervous system. It is derived from Coal tar. And yes I checked – my little bottle of blue food colouring is made from E133. Doh.

In Sweden, 34 foods have been found to have artificial colours. In Australia, the count is over 1100. This is a link that you can peruse to see what not to buy if you’d like to avoid those colours in our food stocks here. Here is a link to a general “food colours” PDF if you’d like to learn more about what this post is about.

When I come up with a plan re lobbying our slack Food Standards Australia on this issue I’ll let you know In the mean time, Read FED UP by Sue Dengate and get knowledgeable about what you’re eating!

More on our medics

In spite of loving my medical friends as valued friends, I believe Western medicine has it’s head up it’s bum on oh-so-many issues. It is NOT wholistic and does not serve a whole person, no matter how life-saving it can be in a crisis. I believe our Western medics need a revolution of mind-expansion out of the world of fear and control and into the world of wholeness and flexibility.

It’s a slightly odd thing to blog about, I know, but I guess this has been relevant in my life of late. I had an interesting conversation last night that touched on the issue of “what makes a doctor trustworthy?”. This could be extended to anyone really – but the fact remains that there are a lot of people in our society who need the doctor to have the answers. Are doctors (generally) trained to be arrogant or is it this societal need that forces them into the “face of confidence” that they project?

I’ve had a great time with doctors lately to be honest. Hats off to my local one and the Mercy Women’s hospital in Melbourne – 1. for my doctor here who happily said “I don’t know but here’s some people who might” and 2. hats off to the Mercy doctors who not only offered endless time and interest and listening – but also managed to say “I don’t know” when they needed to and work in a group to refer to those who do know! It really was medicine that works.

It’s a stark contrast to another doctor we’ve seen lately who was overflowing with confidence in his own opinion…so much so that he holds little interest in anybody else’s.

Surely medicine can’t and shouldn’t operate outside of the sphere of general give and take between people – nobody knows everything. All things are theories realistically. And in the end, sometimes a person just does “know” when something is wrong (even when medicine disagrees) and as well, sometimes those who have been through the same training and end up with differing opinions just need to listen to another point of view rather than their own arrogance.

Tim Minchin & Third Day

Tim’s atheist but I absolutely love this song and on the most part, I really agree with his concerns

And to balance the Christmas message….I equally love Third Day. How good is his voice!

Housework can wait

Housework Can Wait

Come in, but don’t expect to find
All dishes done, all floors ashine.
Observe the crumbs and toys galore.
The smudgy prints upon the door.

The little ones we shelter here
Don’t thrive on a spotless atmosphere.
They’re more inclined to disarray
And carefree even messy play.

Their needs are great, their patience small.
All day I’m at their beck and call.
It’s Mummy come! Mummy see!
Wiggly worms and red scraped knee.

Painted pictures, blocks piled high.
My floors unshined, the days go by.
Some future day they’ll flee this nest,
And I at last will have a rest!

Now you tell me which matters more,
A happy child or a polished floor?

…Author Unknown

I found this on a friend’s blog…awesome isn’t it!

Controversial me?

It’s come to my attention that some of the beliefs I hold- despite seeming like basic common sense and justice/human rights in my own mind.  - go somewhat against the mainstream in this society. I don’t know if it’s related to a background of faith (don’t think so), or a love of Eastern culture (clashes with Western patriarchy and control?), or maybe it is something in my parent’s backgrounds and thus, how I was raised.

Either way, I’m starting to think I’m in a minority and my opinions are not always welcome

Maybe I need to write a creed of beliefs. This is a creed related to a few issues that have arisen lately…

I do believe in God. I don’t know what else surrounding God I really ascribe to these days in relation to the Christian church, but I believe in God who is creative and creating and good.

I believe that people are not born into equal opportunities in this world but are equally valuable.

I believe that whatever way you sugar-coat it, hitting/smacking/slapping a child is abusive to someone who is powerless and deserves protection.

I believe that people seeking safety and a chance at building a life are welcome here, no matter how they managed to get here.

I believe that breasts are made for breastfeeding where it is possible and those who choose not to breastfeed because boobs are for sexual pleasure only need to re-evaluate creation and the wonders of it.

I believe that friendship in it’s true form comes to life in times of isolation and need. Whatever the alternative is shows its face at the same time.

I believe that children have a need to be close to their primary care-givers and that our society obsession with individual rooms, cots, prams, car seats, bouncers etc (and ultimate “they need to learn” attitude) – undermine a child’s interaction and closeness that they so desperately require.

I believe that Facebook is fantastically helpful for connecting with friends and fantastically full of crap if the 200+ people I seem to have listed as “friends” really are friends. Half of them don’t know me or anything about me….we’ve not talked on there and are unlikely to. We also don’t share much or any of my creed in common! So I’m deleting Sorry. It’s liberating though.

In spite of loving my medical friends as valued friends, I believe Western medicine has it’s head up it’s bum on oh-so-many issues. It is NOT wholistic and does not serve a whole person, no matter how life-saving it can be in a crisis. I believe our Western medics need a revolution of mind-expansion out of the world of fear and control and into the world of wholeness and flexibility.

So. That’s me for the moment I’m sure I’ll come up with more of the creedal opinions of Rah very soon, LOL.