It’s a 5 min exercise each night after your little one goes to sleep, where you tell them (scripted) things that set a foundational belief of unconditional love. In thinking about it, there is so much that goes into our kids brains that they take on as truth, that isn’t necessarily truth. i.e. crappy things other kids say to them (“You’re not big enough”, “You’re too slow”, “Go away”), judgemental things other adults say to them (like accusing them of being shy if they don’t want to say hello, or grumpy if they don’t want a cuddle, or “possessive” as an ex-chiropractor called Kaden when he was worried about her touching me)…and then there are the things that we, as parents say that just don’t make the mark. I find myself saying “you’re TOO rough!” or talking to other adults in Kaden’s presence about his crappy sleeping. I never paid much attention before to what effect these things had on him. He believes he is a “bad” sleeper and that he is rough. What chance does that give him?

We started sleep talk some months ago with him and he is much more confident, much more expressive of his emotions and a MUCH improved sleeper!

Sleep talk comes out of the hypnotherapy school – and is a way of accessing the subconscious and filling it with lovely, positive, self esteem building things that will last a lifetime – without the conscious brain being able to overwrite or ignore it. I’m training with Joane Goulding – and I feel so excited at the moment about what a positive difference this sort of “therapy” (for want of a better word) has. Any parent can do it. Every parent should. That’s what I reckon! Check out her website if you’re interested…it’s by far one of the most positive, encouraging and effective methods of working with children I’ve ever seen.

The boats (albeit sideways, oops) were our little effort today out of skewers, blue-tacked into silver muffin tins, with little paper flags and sticker decorations. Kaden had an awesome time with these, floating them in the bath. Then he got a straw and blew through it to create wind for them. He also managed to pick some flowers and put them in the boats too…so nice to watch him go.

Tonight I came out from putting Jai to bed and Dave had been working away with Kaden creating an amazing scene in the lounge room:

Ah the photo upload isn’t coping too well but it  was a train track, complete with buildings surrounding, cars/vans etc on the track and Percy the train! It looked amazing. I have left it set up so that the morning might be friendlier to ME who is not a morning person!

Lastly…to catch you up on the last few months…this is one of the perks of living here:

OOps. Pity about Dave’s head! Will have to remedy that later

i have found the cheesecake to end cheesecakes recipe…exceptionally easy and exceptionally healthy. So you can’t go wrong The first one I made was Lime/Orange cheescake but this one is even easier so here it is: (And don’t baulk at the tofu, you can’t tell and it is so much healthier!)

1 pkt soft silken tofu

1 pkt tofutti (if you can’t get soft silken tofu, just use 2 pkts tofutti)

1/3 cup sugar

3 tspn cornflour

1 cup mixed berries

BLEND and put in a pan with blind-baked shortcrust pastry (this just means pre-bake it with baking paper on top and rice on top of that to weigh it down. It means the pastry won’t go soggy).

Bake the cheescake for an hour or so in a mod oven and then stick it in the fridge for an hour or two.

Awesome (I should also mention, I added another cup of berries whole into the blended mix before pouring into the tin.

(The citrus one, just use 1/4 citrus juice and rind to your taste instead of berries)

I’ll try to remember to post a picture later.

Going from 1 to 2 seems much harder than 0 to 1! I think it’s because of the nature of the parent I want to be and strive to be. I hate the feeling that I have to choose between the boys and their needs at any given time. I also seem to reflect a lot on how much baby-gazing I did with Kaden and how I was so aware of his developmental stage and attending to that, as well as putting time and energy into his sleeping etc. Jai just gets bundled a long with whatever is happening – I guess that is a normal state really. But it is different for me and takes some getting used to.

Not to mention the sickness that has swept our household. Dave got it first (lets blame him ) and was sick sick SICK for ages, then Kaden (whilst on holidays) and then Jai – complete with bronchialitis and two ear infections, poor kid.

Now I have what I thought was a cold but have come down with a temp for the last two days so I’m suitably unimpressed!

Anyhow that all sounds a bit whingy but I guess it goes with the nature of illness! Other than that, we are bumbling along in beautiful Autumn quite well and I’m looking forward to my first mothers day as a mother of two beautiful boys Thinking back to a few years ago when we weren’t sure we’d ever be able to be parents, I have to say…I am one very lucky mum.

After 2 years of wakefulness and eczema, we decided enough was enough and we obviously have not been doing enough to address what is going on with said son. So we have taken him off all dairy, eggs, peanuts (well peanut butter), preservatives, additives and colours. And his sleeping improved straight away might I add (a shocking movement from at least 4 hourly waking forever to an 8 hour stretch in one go!) – but his behaviour has been diabolical. Emotional, irrational meltdowns (and numerous!) followed by, today, a lovely burst of slapping and violence and laugher. He NORMALLY responds when I say “it hurts mum, be gentle”. Or if I ask for space, that’s a winner But not today. “NO BITING” he says as he bites me, and “Space! Hurts mum!” he says as he slaps me in the head again.

Oh, the fury! On the upside (and there is a couple of small ones), I walked out before I did any damage to him . AND on the other upside, we have read about detoxing kids from dairy – and this is all normal normal normal if their bodies have not been coping with it. We are on day 5 and apparently days 4 and 5 are the worst. So lets hope day 6 is better or else he might get fed milk again LOL!

So I come out to the lounge, put some music on and pick up my favourite book of the day.

I find when I parent inattentively I can react to my children in destructive ways. When I look deeply into the moment and see what it asks of me, I can help my children sensitively. In my tradition, Zen, we speak of “Beginners Mind”, where you see each new moment with fresh eyes rather than falling back on the same old reactions. I find this very helpful for parenting: what works today might not work tomorrow, just as our way of dealing with one child might not work dealing with another. So I try to respond to exactly what this new moment presents. Parenthood is nothing if not unpredictable so I need to respond differently to each new situation seeing each instant for what it is” p 21

One of the things I love so much about all this is the concept of mindfulness: that all states of emotion will pass, and we need to be hospitable in acknowledging, even welcoming them, but this need not mean that we react to them or have them alter our behaviour. Today I could have blamed a tiny toddler for making ME furious with his behaviour, but instead, recognizing that “we are in the grip of some transient emotion and we use the grievance to justify it” (p23) is helpful. It is about me owning my emotions. That on this particular day, I feel ………. and I need not use his behaviour to justify it. Certainly not to alter my behaviour.

On seeing our mind state for what it is, we may experience a moment of clarity. Buddhist teaching has been summarised with the phrase “stopping and realising” which, among other things, refers to the ability to be aware of a negative state of mind and to realise on a deep level that a clearer, more constructive mind is available. To understand that the negative mind state can only sabotage your alternative. You “awaken” to what the moment truly requires of you. Delusion turns into clear-sightedness” (p 47)

I have much more practice ahead of me .

I mentioned a few posts ago about food colours. Let’s now look at sulfites (preservatives). How is it that Australia manages to have an ‘acceptable’ level of sulfites MUCH higher than other countries? Explain it to me, someone, please!

The WHO has some great info on sulfites in relation to people having reactions to it, and the relationship with asthma. Dried fruit is a hugely popular food to give young kids- and on the most part, people think they’re doing a good thing by that. But… an average 10 year old has a daily recommended limit of 15mg sulfites. ONE SINGLE DRIED APRICOT in Australia has 16mg!

Ten or so years ago, an Australian study was done that looked into a 2 year old’s sulfite intake due to this and found that they were, on average, getting 70 times what they should in sulfites.

Due to the major links with respiratory troubles, I’d say this is an issue. So as I say, it baffles me why Australian food standards are not more concerned with child health than orange apricots (because the sulfites keep them orange rather than brown). You can read more here.

“Mahatma Gandhi, said: ”Jesus Christ is the most perfect example of non-violence in history,” and paused before adding, ”And the only people who don’t realise this are Christians.”

After a bizzare experience this week with the *below* issue and an extremely large Facebook group that got infiltrated by aggressors (in a non violent group) I bailed on something I started to find some ***peace*** before the arrival of our baby. Selfish maybe, maybe not. Important though, yes. The whole experience has led to some interesting discussions and thoughts in this house on the nature of violence.

It’s funny how some people become so passionate about their non-violent cause that they use violence to express their passion. It’s also funny how others are so defensive about the said issue that they resort to the same thing. It kind of means whatever the presenting issue is becomes not important anymore – at some point, the masses become the same…pushing and molding and forcing each other into something that was never really the point.

One of my admins for the group nearly had a melt down over the abuse she was copping for “reminding people to be respectful” and left the group, most apologetically, to gain some life perspective back. I respect that – recognise your limitations. I needed to do the same before any melt downs came my way! What interested me was the point she got pushed to before she left. It wasn’t typical of her at all. And it wasn’t “respectful”. It just shows how far it can all unravel no matter what your cause…

Non-violence itself is often mistaken for passivity. This is a misnomer – one must be actively engaged in the struggle against violence and oppression to be non-violent. Non-violent people not only refuse to threaten, hurt or kill those who oppose them, but they actively engage the other’s humanity, seeking their opponent’s transformation as well as their own and those they defend. This is what the church was intended to be – a non-violent army transforming the world not with a gun, but with active love.

I’m loving this article in the AGE today…and the above quote is one of the best things I have read in a long time. I don’t engage much with mainstream Christianity these days but for once someone is saying something that is sensible *wink* and relates to the week I’ve had! The article relates to the use of scriptural inscriptions on the gun scripts for the army. I’ve been following that story with some *shock and horror*! (Add in a little humour there if the army didn’t honestly know that they were carrying around Bible references with them).

Non-violent people not only refuse to threaten, hurt or kill those who oppose them, but they actively engage the other’s humanity, seeking their opponent’s transformation as well as their own and those they defend

It’s so true. And we get it so wrong. I guess it is our very humanity that gets in the way of our own cause.

Anyway I wonder if the company putting Biblical inscriptions on guns was doing so because they think the FIGHT is on behalf of God (eek) or simply because it may offer some comfort and guidance to those using the guns. I don’t know. But I think if you are using a gun at all, a re-look at Jesus, the non violent revolutionary, would be a helpful place to start.

It’s concerned me lately how I can’t look at a newspaper without there being a rape case/report. At least one paper in Australia EVERY DAY has a rape report. Is sexual violence increasing? Or being reported more? And if it’s being reported more HOW is this not making an effect for the better – to put an end to it? HOW can a store like Roger David deny social responsibility and create something so gut wrenchingly horrid? It is abusive even to those who have BEEN abused and have to suffer seeing a man wear such a t-shirt.

HERE IS THE LINK to some more info if you’re wondering what I’m talking about. I copied someone’s response to Roger David and posted it as a comment on their website (which, has the offending t-shirt as their main stage when you go to their site). This is it if you wish to cut and paste also:

I am writing to ask if you are able to justify your decision to sell t-shirts diplaying, in the first case, a picture of a dishevelled, gagged woman, and secondly, two blindfolded, semi-naked women. To anyone who has not yet been completely densensitized by the increasing prevalence of dehumanizing, degrading images of women, these t-shirts are offensive. Worn in a workplace, however casual the dress code, they would constitute sexual harrassment, by creating an environment that is hostile, intimidating (given the violent overtones) and offensive to women. I wonder, then, why you are encouraging boys and young men to create such an environment for the girls and women around them by selling them these t-shirts? I look forward to hearing your response.

In all serious, time is a-ticking. Other t-shirts are out there with slogans such as “It’s not rape of you yell ‘surprise” or “Sometimes no means yes”.

If you are reading this post, please complain to Roger David. It cannot be ok by us to add to this violent culture in our society. It cannot be ok for our sons to grow up being encouraged to wear this and it cannot be ok for our daughters to feel unsafe and intimidated.